can we get nightvision for the apartment?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
