we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
