I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
