i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
