We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You are a genius and a whore.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
