K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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