How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
