In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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