If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
