Where is the hickey?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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