Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
