I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
