just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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