Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
