I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
