well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
