Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
