A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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