omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
