Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We just shotgunned beers for America
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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