happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
