Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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