Ambien. No doubt about it.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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