I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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