I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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