that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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