sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize