We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My bed smells like the plague
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
