took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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