Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
