Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
