My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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