A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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