That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
