i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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