I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize