Your dad touched me again.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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