I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
