We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
