): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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