Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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