I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
