If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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