What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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