I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
