I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I will pee on everything he values.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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