someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
