I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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