I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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