I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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