Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we're making bets on your personal life
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
