Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
