This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
