dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
