Three words: puerto rican gang bang
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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