This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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