she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
