its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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