you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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