okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
