your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
