I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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