You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
