theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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