She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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