about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
