I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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