the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
