just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
