maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
