HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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