if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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