Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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