operation harelip BJ is a go
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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