Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
