Please don't use social media to get back at me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
